To you bud:
I never meant to hurt you or cause you pain. I never meant to fuck up any relations you had with anyone. For those I am especially sorry. I don't believe you fully understand how much you meant,and still mean, to me. You were a very important part of my life. The happiness and hopefulness I felt when I was with you,even apart from you, was magical. It was something I had never felt before,ever. And I loved it. I loved every minute of everything that we had. I can't really describe how much I loved it,for words can't even start to reach the level that I felt.
That is why it hurt me so much when you ended it. I can't even say that we did because I couldn't really do anything after except cry and sleep. Mostly cry though. It hurt me more than you could ever fix, more than I have ever been hurt before. Honestly, I knew that it was coming. Once you came back from orientation, you weren't the same, and I felt it. You seriously don't understand how much that week killed me. I am not one to normally let my negative emotions be seen to more than a few people, but this time everyone saw it. Much before it even clicked to me. And that is what sucked. Maybe the part that hurt me the most was that the entire time while we were sitting there by the lake, I was shelling out my heart, my thoughts; my emotions; my worries; even my deepest secrets that I never told anyone, not even my best friend; you said absolutely nothing. No hint of even the thought of ending it, yet I knew you had to have thought about it a while. I think that is what really killed me inside. The fact that you just stood there and watched me say it all,saying minimal shit, hurt alot too.
I know more about you than anyone. You might think I don't, but I do. I must have felt special to you had some point, I just don't know where, I mean hell, you went through alot just for me. And I will never forget that. You are very special to me, you will always be. You were honestly the first real guy that I ever loved. And that I ever felt safe with. And you know that.
Here's somethings that you don't know about you, that I do know:
I will always love you and care about you. Always.
I would say to call me or text me if you ever need anything,but honestly, I am still not sure what I would do if your name popped up on my phone. Also, I know that I still aren't ready to start doing all of my old things my old way because when I come home wasted, I always knock our picture over(yes it is still there, I haven't gotten up the balls to get rid of it yet; And that fact tells me that seeing it only makes me hurt, but that's life).
Either way, here is my one last letter to you, one last letter of about a thousand. Ha.
Maybe we'll talk later, I don't know. I just know that I had to tell you all of this.
Good luck.
Fair winds and following seas, my friend.
I never meant to hurt you or cause you pain. I never meant to fuck up any relations you had with anyone. For those I am especially sorry. I don't believe you fully understand how much you meant,and still mean, to me. You were a very important part of my life. The happiness and hopefulness I felt when I was with you,even apart from you, was magical. It was something I had never felt before,ever. And I loved it. I loved every minute of everything that we had. I can't really describe how much I loved it,for words can't even start to reach the level that I felt.
That is why it hurt me so much when you ended it. I can't even say that we did because I couldn't really do anything after except cry and sleep. Mostly cry though. It hurt me more than you could ever fix, more than I have ever been hurt before. Honestly, I knew that it was coming. Once you came back from orientation, you weren't the same, and I felt it. You seriously don't understand how much that week killed me. I am not one to normally let my negative emotions be seen to more than a few people, but this time everyone saw it. Much before it even clicked to me. And that is what sucked. Maybe the part that hurt me the most was that the entire time while we were sitting there by the lake, I was shelling out my heart, my thoughts; my emotions; my worries; even my deepest secrets that I never told anyone, not even my best friend; you said absolutely nothing. No hint of even the thought of ending it, yet I knew you had to have thought about it a while. I think that is what really killed me inside. The fact that you just stood there and watched me say it all,saying minimal shit, hurt alot too.
I know more about you than anyone. You might think I don't, but I do. I must have felt special to you had some point, I just don't know where, I mean hell, you went through alot just for me. And I will never forget that. You are very special to me, you will always be. You were honestly the first real guy that I ever loved. And that I ever felt safe with. And you know that.
Here's somethings that you don't know about you, that I do know:
- You going away for college isn't going to change anything, honestly, it might make it worse.
- The man that you are today, even if it is different from who you were about 6 months ago, is...wonderful and extremely impressive.
- Honestly, I worry about you. Always. I hope you know that.
- You are far stronger than you will ever realize. You always have been.
- There are lots of things that you can do that you never think you can, yet I know that you can.
- Although you may not be confident enough to do what you want to do, I know that you are actually very capable of handling anything that the world throws at, you already have been through alot.
- I know that you might not have been ready for a relationship right now, and that's okay dude.
- Even if you are different, you are still super strong.
- Oh, and you're clavicle is super sexy.
- Also, I do know what you were telling people after we ended, yes I have ears everywhere. And although I should be extremely angry at you for that,like everyone thinks I should be. I can't. Because I know why you did what you did. Even though, I am not mad about it, it hurt me alot.
I will always love you and care about you. Always.
I would say to call me or text me if you ever need anything,but honestly, I am still not sure what I would do if your name popped up on my phone. Also, I know that I still aren't ready to start doing all of my old things my old way because when I come home wasted, I always knock our picture over(yes it is still there, I haven't gotten up the balls to get rid of it yet; And that fact tells me that seeing it only makes me hurt, but that's life).
Either way, here is my one last letter to you, one last letter of about a thousand. Ha.
Maybe we'll talk later, I don't know. I just know that I had to tell you all of this.
Good luck.
Fair winds and following seas, my friend.
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