Countdown begins.

I have exactly 22 days until the start of season. I can't say I'm ready, I can't say I'm happy about either. I have extremely mixed feelings for season. I am nervous, excited, anxious, and pretty damn scared. I feel as though I should be overly pumped for this...but I'm not.
I feel like I should be ready to show that I am just as good as every single other person on the team. I don't mean to say that I am extremely fast, I'm not, I am pretty average; I am not okay with that.
I am not sure if I am ready to have to act/be a face of a gay swimmer. I really am not. I feel as though I will be not be good enough to act as a front. I am honestly nervous.
I have learned from Nate that confidence is key when doing anything. And I can say that I feel like my confidence level has boosted since I have been out. I'm not sure why, it just has. But when it comes to season, I don't have the confidence for it. I just…don't. I feel like I want to be super confident,but.
Only 22 days until first practice, I hope that I can get more confident and ready for swim. We shall keep in touch. Obviously.