I don't even know right now.

I can honestly say that I don't think my brain has been this haywire. Well, about such random things.

I like this guy and we are becoming really really close. He's been rolling around my head, like he normally does.

But now I have my ex rolling around too. I am not even sure why. It' s not as though I still love him or that I am not over him. Trust me, I am over him. I just wish I could separate my memories from senior year (my first one, 2012) from my memories with him. It seems like I can't look back on all the great times that I had without him popping in. I just want them to be separate because sometimes I start to feel bad. And I don't like that. I don't necessarily miss him but I miss the fact that we were so extremely close and then it just ended flat and we haven't had a quasi decent conversation in months. Granted, I don't really know what I could classify as a "quasi decent conversation". But still, the point remains...

None of this is helping the fact that I am going insane because of early graduation and the start of college. It is all just so,so, so much to handle at once. I have know doubt that I can handle it, it's just how many times I will need to drink heavily during the transition period.

I guess that pretty much sums up the rapid thoughts in my head for right now.

I will check in later...hopefully it won't be too long from now.

Update!

Yes, that is my night stand. Yes, I do use 24 hour time always. Yes, I keep a starter dog from a Navy plane. And yes, I do have the Navy Seal next to my bed.

Update on the past...*checks watch that isn't on my wrist*, er, we will just call it an update on the past. Haha.

So! I am back from Jamaica, obviously, it was a very interesting and fun vacation. A nice getaway from the stress from school,work, and the Navy. But, nevertheless, I am back to face it all.

Navy/School

Well, it has been decided that I will be graduating high school, as well as shipping out,earlier than expected. I am now going to graduate in January. And hopefully, get shipped to Basic in late February/ Early January. I feel this is the best move I can make given my current situation and the fact that I am eligible for early graduation. Therefore, I have been very busy, and expect to be busy throughout the remainder of this year, the summer, and of course, my last semester at Cicero-North Syracuse High School.

I am really happy that I made this decision. I feel as though it will allow me to really be all that I can be. A standard school setting just isn't for me. And I am perfectly fine with that.

Also, I am currently waiting on my mentor, a Chief Petty Officer currently in the Military Journalism Program at S.U., to call me. He is reviewing my A.S.V.A.B. scores again, just to see what nudging he can do to help me get into the MC program. I am also very anxious about the possibility of being pushed into the program. I have been frequenting the program's headquarters at S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications lately. Almost weekly. Hopefully, all of this networking will help me in the long run, and well, if it doesn't, I still have some pretty great friends in the Navy with me.

Side Note: One of the reasons I chose the Navy was because of their very welcoming attitude. I have never met any Sailor,Recruiter, or Officer that hasn't been interested in me as a Sailor and my future(both during my service and after), down to Earth, and personable. I am not just a contract number to my superiors, I am a person. And that is one of the reasons I went Navy.

Work

Also, I am no longer working Trappers. I quit last weekend. Mostly because the Ice Cream Stand opens this weekend, and I want to be able to devote all of my time to my primary,and favoured, place of employment. Just a heads up.

Adios!

Well, I guess that is all for now. Thanks for reading. I will write again when something comes up...or if I need to spill my emotions. Haha,

Here is a song that has been toying with my head lately. Gosh darn, it makes me cry almost every time I hear it.

Navy...Journalism?

Hello again! I come to you with great news. I have become very interested in joining the United States Navy as a journalist/news reporter. I feel that this will be a very fun,challenging, lifelong, and interesting career choice as i feel it fits me very well and I will always have a job. Especially a job that I like.

I am lucky enough to have landed into a shadow program at the most elite non- Department of Defense school for mass media in the country. That school would be my very own Syracuse University. I spoke with the director of the university's public communications school, S.I. Newhouse School, and she has informed me that there are approximately 32 active service members in the program at SU. This includes all of the military branches and the United States Coast Guard.

I am fortunate enough to be grouped up with 3-4 sailors who have gone through all of the stages of the naval journalism schools, and they should be able to answer all of my gazillion questions that I have. I feel extremely honoured to be allowed to shadow these sailors, as they are the best of the best in the United States Navy. Oh crap, I just realized I typed the British version of thatword...that happens often.

This all will occur over February Break, which is the the third week in the month. I, my guidance counselor, and my global history teacher are all extremely excited for this. I am feel that I finally feel like I have a very legitimate, important, and fitting place in the future. Hopefully I will see that this is me...hopefully I will be very encouraged to join the Navy. Much like my brother.

Although I regret that my mother would have to have two children in the military, and I regret that Reese(next post is on him) will have to face this head on, I am ready for it. And I wouldn't choose any other branch of the United States Armed Forces.

I will be sure to touch base with you guys both before and after the shadow. Keep it classy.

Christopher

Oh Mom.

Today I have the NYS English Regents, my final for English 11. Obviously it is super duper important. And what does my mother decide to do three hours before the exam? Yell at me about how I am not good enough and how I am not going anywhere in life. I reallllly can't believe that she would even do this. This would be the fourth time since ninth grade. Clearly, if I remember how many times she has called me "not good enough", shows how much these effect me. And it's not even like it helps me do better in school, all it does is piss me off and make me not wanna do anything at all.

It is this sorta crap that she does, that drives me absolutely insane. I truly wonder if she actually knows what it is doing to me. It happens all the time. I can't stand it. She makes me want to hit things.She doesn't understand the fact that it is actually hurting our relationship. Oh wait, you have to have a relationship, in order to ruin it. But that's another post for another day. Sometimes I just feel like I need to get away, get out of this place. SU isn't far enough. Btw, I have a shadow at SU...I will talk about that later too.

I need a dude's vacation. Nate, Ricky, and I. Just the three dudes, that's all that I want for one weekend. No girl/boyfriends, no phones, just us and a car. And a big city. Maybe Boston, maybe Buffalo, something fun and out of the ordinary.

Ugh, I gotta do this test. Let's do this!

Veterans Day and StandUp

Hello my loyal visitors and new comers!

First I would like to talk about my favourite holiday...Veterans Day. For those non-NATO citizens, this day is internationally recognized as the Victory in Europe Day. I love this day. It is one of the few holidays that I really feel for. This isn't just because my brother is in the military, it is part, but not the entire reason. I am a huge patriot. I love my country. Although, some may argue that my country is the head of all evilness in the world, I will always support my country and her people...even if I don't agree with my countrys actions. Regardless, Veterans Day along with Memorial Day, December 7th ""A date which will live in infamy"", Patriot Day, Independence Day, and D-Day gives me a feeling that I can't explain. For it is more that patriotism,even more that nationalism, it could be described as obsession. It really could. I love my country. I am a hardcore Republican and I believe my country is the best. I know others have different views, but that is my personal believe. Anyhow, I was in my glory on Veterans Day. With my brother leaving for South Korea in December, I believe I feel closer to these holidays than ever before. But that's my thing.

Now, StandUp Day was Monday. I don't know how many,if any, participated, but I did. I was donning my StandUp, pride, and domestic violence bracelet. I feel strongly about all of these issues. Well obviously, I feel strongly against domestic violence. Duh! I felt very empowered. I felt like I meant something to someone, I am not quite sure who, but someone. And I feel as though it is my responsibility as a capable gay male to attempt to stop bullying, not just anti-LGBT, but all bullying. My strong feelings against bullying...I have trouble putting words to them. I truly do. Ben Cohen and his foundation, StandUp, work hard to push bullying out of schools,society, and just overall get it the hell out. I feel as though I owe it to Ben, my friends, my mentors, and my mentees to make a difference in school, and anywhere I may be, to help any one that I feel need it. I have always felt this way, but recently I have felt more confident and more secure that I will be able to help someone. And that is probably my favourite part about being...well me.

Homosexual...got it. Now what is this heterosexual thing?

Today I had law. Which is always fun. We get to discuss ethics,morals...laws. But that isn't what we talked about today. News Article

Apparently in a town far,far away(actually it is about four hours away) a lesbian couple wanted to get married, in New York that is legal, sounds like a good plan, right? Well not so much, the town clerk refused to sign a marriage license because of her religious beliefs. Which,by the way, is a misdemeanor is our state. As a huge supporter of the separation of church and state, you can see how I am extremely angered by this. Even if I were not gay, I would still be angered by this.

You are a government official, your job is to follow the law. You are to walk into work everyday and follow the laws and do your duties as the government official. You are to sign marriage license regardless of how you feel about it!

Okay, that was my rant about that, here is the part that really got me...no one knew what the term "heterosexual" meant. Every one in the class knew that homosexual means sexually attracted to the same sex. Yet, y'all claim that you are "straight" but you don't know the official term for it...heterosexual? My mind was boggled. I was just completely surprised by this. Multiple people asked the teacher what it meant. I could not believe it.

Ahh. I'm glad that I got that out. I was extremely baffled. I hope the random adjectives of my state of mind helps describe my extreme disbelief of the ignorance. Now I shall see if I can come up with any other posts for the night. I can't say I definitely will but I will try.

Chris...out.