Marriage

Every once in a while I think about marriage. Randomly it seems. I have very mixed feelings about the idea. Regardless of the fact that it is now legal in my state, I am still confuzzeled about my belief in marriage.

On one hand, I really want a wedding. I love them. The fun and excitement that come with them. Along with the reunions of people that occur. And the fact that you can invite pretty much anyone that has every meant anything to you. And they have to come regardless of how they feel about each other.

On the flip side, I am not really sure that I want to be a single entity, both legally and finanically, with someone else for the rest of my life. I am not completely confident that I can trust another person enough to make this commitment to them. I assume that the trust will build to the point where I will feel comforatble eventually. But still. It is not that I have commitment issues, it is also the idea that if I fall out of love with someone it will become a major legal issue and will effect the rest of my life.

It is just ALOT of commitment, and is obviosuly something that the should not be entered lightly.
Maybe someday, I will feel confident enough with another man to enter this commitment portal.

Oh Mom.

Today I have the NYS English Regents, my final for English 11. Obviously it is super duper important. And what does my mother decide to do three hours before the exam? Yell at me about how I am not good enough and how I am not going anywhere in life. I reallllly can't believe that she would even do this. This would be the fourth time since ninth grade. Clearly, if I remember how many times she has called me "not good enough", shows how much these effect me. And it's not even like it helps me do better in school, all it does is piss me off and make me not wanna do anything at all.

It is this sorta crap that she does, that drives me absolutely insane. I truly wonder if she actually knows what it is doing to me. It happens all the time. I can't stand it. She makes me want to hit things.She doesn't understand the fact that it is actually hurting our relationship. Oh wait, you have to have a relationship, in order to ruin it. But that's another post for another day. Sometimes I just feel like I need to get away, get out of this place. SU isn't far enough. Btw, I have a shadow at SU...I will talk about that later too.

I need a dude's vacation. Nate, Ricky, and I. Just the three dudes, that's all that I want for one weekend. No girl/boyfriends, no phones, just us and a car. And a big city. Maybe Boston, maybe Buffalo, something fun and out of the ordinary.

Ugh, I gotta do this test. Let's do this!

Homosexual...got it. Now what is this heterosexual thing?

Today I had law. Which is always fun. We get to discuss ethics,morals...laws. But that isn't what we talked about today. News Article

Apparently in a town far,far away(actually it is about four hours away) a lesbian couple wanted to get married, in New York that is legal, sounds like a good plan, right? Well not so much, the town clerk refused to sign a marriage license because of her religious beliefs. Which,by the way, is a misdemeanor is our state. As a huge supporter of the separation of church and state, you can see how I am extremely angered by this. Even if I were not gay, I would still be angered by this.

You are a government official, your job is to follow the law. You are to walk into work everyday and follow the laws and do your duties as the government official. You are to sign marriage license regardless of how you feel about it!

Okay, that was my rant about that, here is the part that really got me...no one knew what the term "heterosexual" meant. Every one in the class knew that homosexual means sexually attracted to the same sex. Yet, y'all claim that you are "straight" but you don't know the official term for it...heterosexual? My mind was boggled. I was just completely surprised by this. Multiple people asked the teacher what it meant. I could not believe it.

Ahh. I'm glad that I got that out. I was extremely baffled. I hope the random adjectives of my state of mind helps describe my extreme disbelief of the ignorance. Now I shall see if I can come up with any other posts for the night. I can't say I definitely will but I will try.

Chris...out.