First Writing

Just a wee bit of change...

Lately, between working multiple jobs,being a full-time student,and Navy stuff, my life has kinda become very hectic. The only time I really get to write is in my Creative Writing class. Therefore, because I really like to write and I like to keep this quasi updated, I will start scanning in some of the ones that I feel are my best.

Christopher

This one is to you...

I know it has been a while since I posted last but life has been weird. Part of my weirdness has been this guy that I ran into randomly,unexpectedly, at school. Anyways, we ended and I feel like I still need to tell him important things, so that is why I am writing this post.

To you bud:

I never meant to hurt you or cause you pain. I never meant to fuck up any relations you had with anyone. For those I am especially sorry. I don't believe you fully understand how much you meant,and still mean, to me. You were a very important part of my life. The happiness and hopefulness I felt when I was with you,even apart from you, was magical. It was something I had never felt before,ever. And I loved it. I loved every minute of everything that we had. I can't really describe how much I loved it,for words can't even start to reach the level that I felt. 

That is why it hurt me so much when you ended it. I can't even say that we did because I couldn't really do anything after except cry and sleep. Mostly cry though. It hurt me more than you could ever fix, more than I have ever been hurt before. Honestly, I knew that it was coming. Once you came back from orientation, you weren't the same, and I felt it. You seriously don't understand how much that week killed me. I am not one to normally let my negative emotions be seen to more than a few people, but this time everyone saw it. Much before it even clicked to me. And that is what sucked. Maybe the part that hurt me the most was that the entire time while we were sitting there by the lake, I was shelling out my heart, my thoughts; my emotions; my worries; even my deepest secrets that I never told anyone, not even my best friend; you said absolutely nothing. No hint of even the thought of ending it, yet I knew you had to have thought about it a while. I think that is what really killed me inside. The fact that you just stood there and watched me say it all,saying minimal  shit, hurt alot too. 

I know more about you than anyone. You might think I don't, but I do. I must have felt special to you had some point, I just don't know where, I mean hell, you went through alot just for me. And I will never forget that. You are very special to me, you will always be. You were honestly the first real guy that I ever loved. And that I ever felt safe with. And you know that. 
Here's somethings that you don't know about you, that I do know:

• You going away for college isn't going to change anything, honestly, it might make it worse.

• The man that you are today, even if it is different from who you were about 6 months ago, is...wonderful and extremely impressive.

• Honestly, I worry about you. Always. I hope you know that.

• You are far stronger than you will ever realize. You always have been. 

• There are lots of things that you can do that you never think you can, yet I know that you can.

• Although you may not be confident enough to do what you want to do, I know that you are actually very capable of handling anything that the world throws at, you already have been through alot.

• I know that you might not have been ready for a relationship right now, and that's okay dude. 

• Even if you are different, you are still super strong. 

• Oh, and you're clavicle is super sexy. 

• Also, I do know what you were telling people after we ended, yes I have ears everywhere. And although I should be extremely angry at you for that,like everyone thinks I should be. I can't. Because I know why you did what you did. Even though, I am not mad about it, it hurt me alot. 

I don't care what you do, I will always remember you as that guy that was perfect. I don't know if it'll come with time, but I still can't do alot of things because they remind me of us. Hell, I can't even listen to Yellowcard anymore, yet surprisingly your favourite artist has become one of mine, because he reminds me of the happiness I felt when I was with you; Yet, I can't listen your favourite song, so that still hurts. Just believe me when I say, that the effect that you have had on me is indescribable and life long. 

I will always love you and care about you. Always. 

I would say to call me or text me if you ever need anything,but honestly, I am still not sure what I would do if your name popped up on my phone. Also, I know that I still aren't ready to start doing all of my old things my old way because when I come home wasted, I always knock our picture over(yes it is still there, I haven't gotten up the balls to get rid of it yet; And that fact tells me that seeing it only makes me hurt, but that's life). 

Either way, here is my one last letter to you, one last letter of about a thousand. Ha. 

Maybe we'll talk later, I don't know. I just know that I had to tell you all of this.

Good luck.
Fair winds and following seas, my friend.

Very Few Songs Truly Hit Me, Here Are Some:

These songs, they hit me hard. All the time. Doesn't matter what's going on. As my recruiter once told me: "You're one of the special ones. You get hit from both sides. You have a brother that has been in the Navy for almost four years, that gives you more experience than most, you've seen the home front. It will help you when you leave." I guess you could call me lucky in that sense.

Update!

Yes, that is my night stand. Yes, I do use 24 hour time always. Yes, I keep a starter dog from a Navy plane. And yes, I do have the Navy Seal next to my bed.

Update on the past...*checks watch that isn't on my wrist*, er, we will just call it an update on the past. Haha.

So! I am back from Jamaica, obviously, it was a very interesting and fun vacation. A nice getaway from the stress from school,work, and the Navy. But, nevertheless, I am back to face it all.

Navy/School

Well, it has been decided that I will be graduating high school, as well as shipping out,earlier than expected. I am now going to graduate in January. And hopefully, get shipped to Basic in late February/ Early January. I feel this is the best move I can make given my current situation and the fact that I am eligible for early graduation. Therefore, I have been very busy, and expect to be busy throughout the remainder of this year, the summer, and of course, my last semester at Cicero-North Syracuse High School.

I am really happy that I made this decision. I feel as though it will allow me to really be all that I can be. A standard school setting just isn't for me. And I am perfectly fine with that.

Also, I am currently waiting on my mentor, a Chief Petty Officer currently in the Military Journalism Program at S.U., to call me. He is reviewing my A.S.V.A.B. scores again, just to see what nudging he can do to help me get into the MC program. I am also very anxious about the possibility of being pushed into the program. I have been frequenting the program's headquarters at S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications lately. Almost weekly. Hopefully, all of this networking will help me in the long run, and well, if it doesn't, I still have some pretty great friends in the Navy with me.

Side Note: One of the reasons I chose the Navy was because of their very welcoming attitude. I have never met any Sailor,Recruiter, or Officer that hasn't been interested in me as a Sailor and my future(both during my service and after), down to Earth, and personable. I am not just a contract number to my superiors, I am a person. And that is one of the reasons I went Navy.

Work

Also, I am no longer working Trappers. I quit last weekend. Mostly because the Ice Cream Stand opens this weekend, and I want to be able to devote all of my time to my primary,and favoured, place of employment. Just a heads up.

Adios!

Well, I guess that is all for now. Thanks for reading. I will write again when something comes up...or if I need to spill my emotions. Haha,

Here is a song that has been toying with my head lately. Gosh darn, it makes me cry almost every time I hear it.

Seamen Recruit Christopher Drummond

     Has a nice ring to it don't it? Well I have taken my ASVAB, decided my rating, have set a DEP contract signing date, and have decided that I am ready to serve in the United States Navy.
   
     With my ASVAB score, as of now, I am set to become an Interior Communications Electrician. I will be dealing with phone lines and networks, and the such. I am currently 7 points away from qualifying for MC(Mass Communications), therefore, MC is a backup and will only become my rating if my recruiter's sponsorship is approved by the DoD. So currently, IC is the way I will go in. I will sign my Delayed Entry Program contract, which is essentially a letter of intent...except if I break it, I can go to jail, in July of this year. And I will ship out to boot camp around late July/early August of next year(I will get an approx. ship date when I sign).
   
      I am extremely excited about joining and shipping off, but mostly, serving my nation and her people. I am honoured to qualify for all of the ratings I qualify for and to join.

I shall post more later with more information. Only 100ish days until I sign my DEP contract. :D

Hello!

Summer is among us here in Syracuse. We kinda skipped winter, went straight from Fall to Spring, and now, to Summer. That is very nice to me, even though I am not really a heat kinda dude. I am working on that. I must mention that I am going to Jamaica for a week with the fam in 17 days! That will be an adventure for sure!

Regardless of the weather, I am still focused on my future with the Navy. I spoke with a recruiter last Friday and he signed me up for the A.S.V.A.B ( Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery ) on Wednesday, tomorrow. I am extremely excited, yet nervous, for the test. It determines what I do with my life; What jobs are avaliable, my contract length, a whole slew of things. And! If I decide I wanna take it again, they don't take my highest score...they take the most recentttt score. So yeah, I am super pumped for tomorrow.

Other than that, nothing major has/is occuring lately. I'm switching jobs, but that is just because the ice cream stand is opening back up again. But lately my life has been boring...ish. Haha. I will be sure to post about my scores on the ASVAB and what I choose to be my career with the United States Navy. I'm starting to get used to saying that. Hehe. Score.

Here's a nice Navy picture for you guys too!