Update?

Good morning everyone!

     Sorry it has been a while since I have posted. I have been busy. Graduating early, starting college, constantly working, living the life. Haha.

     As I look back on it, I have decided that I am happy that I did graduate early. It feels much better to be in college. I feel comfortable. I actually feel like I am succeeding, for once. And that is a very incredible feeling! I feel as though I am in the right setting to do my best, and it makes me very proud of myself.
   
     Yes, it will feel weird going to my high school graduation after I have finished a semester at college; But in some ways I feel it is necessary to allow for some closure and to see some of (the very few) friends that I left when I graduated in January. And plus, graduation party money...cha ching!

     Either way, I am here at my community college. I don't really dislike it here, but I don't really feel completely comfortable here. Oh well, I just have to remember that it is a stepping stone to my dream school...Syracuse University! I will get there in a few years. Hopefully sooner...if I pick up some more summer classes.

     Regardless, this is my life as it stands now. Another update shall come soon!
   
Stay classy my friends.

"Loaded Gun", the song, the feelings.

Sometimes when I listen to this song, and sometimes Tyler Hilton, it really shocks me how much I have grown from the experience I had with my ex. He was a great guy, still is. And this is one of his favourite songs and one of the few songs that I can’t listen to without him immediately coming into my head. He was definitely an incredible experience. I believe in him and what I know that he can do to the world. I can’t say for certain where he is today or what he is doing but I know that he will do great things in his life. He just needs to remember that he isn’t the only one that he has to watch out for. And that he can be himself without worrying about what other people say about it.

It’s weird. I can’t exactly say that I will forget about it, or that I will even stop caring. But I know that him and I can’t be friends. We simply went through too much to be friends again. Which is a shame. He doesn’t run through my mind often, but when he does a field of emotions comes with him. And that’s the part I am still getting over.

If you’re reading this, you know that I am still here for you bud. For anything. 

Hollister Truths

Marriage

Every once in a while I think about marriage. Randomly it seems. I have very mixed feelings about the idea. Regardless of the fact that it is now legal in my state, I am still confuzzeled about my belief in marriage.

On one hand, I really want a wedding. I love them. The fun and excitement that come with them. Along with the reunions of people that occur. And the fact that you can invite pretty much anyone that has every meant anything to you. And they have to come regardless of how they feel about each other.

On the flip side, I am not really sure that I want to be a single entity, both legally and finanically, with someone else for the rest of my life. I am not completely confident that I can trust another person enough to make this commitment to them. I assume that the trust will build to the point where I will feel comforatble eventually. But still. It is not that I have commitment issues, it is also the idea that if I fall out of love with someone it will become a major legal issue and will effect the rest of my life.

It is just ALOT of commitment, and is obviosuly something that the should not be entered lightly.
Maybe someday, I will feel confident enough with another man to enter this commitment portal.

I don't even know right now.

I can honestly say that I don't think my brain has been this haywire. Well, about such random things.

I like this guy and we are becoming really really close. He's been rolling around my head, like he normally does.

But now I have my ex rolling around too. I am not even sure why. It' s not as though I still love him or that I am not over him. Trust me, I am over him. I just wish I could separate my memories from senior year (my first one, 2012) from my memories with him. It seems like I can't look back on all the great times that I had without him popping in. I just want them to be separate because sometimes I start to feel bad. And I don't like that. I don't necessarily miss him but I miss the fact that we were so extremely close and then it just ended flat and we haven't had a quasi decent conversation in months. Granted, I don't really know what I could classify as a "quasi decent conversation". But still, the point remains...

None of this is helping the fact that I am going insane because of early graduation and the start of college. It is all just so,so, so much to handle at once. I have know doubt that I can handle it, it's just how many times I will need to drink heavily during the transition period.

I guess that pretty much sums up the rapid thoughts in my head for right now.

I will check in later...hopefully it won't be too long from now.

Wow.

     Man, I didn't realize how long it had been since I last wrote. Then again, this wouldn't be the first time time this has happened. But still...

     A few things have changed:

      I am now about to start my first semester at college on January 22nd. It's weird to think about that. I mean, I don't know how long I will be in college, but I just knew that I wasn't going to bum around just because I didn't sign with the Navy for a job didn't want. It was a really tough decision but I did it.
      I am now also looking into moving down to Norfolk soon. I need to leave Syracuse. I need a change. I am not quite sure how other people will feel about it but I know that it is something I have to do eventually.There is just wayyy too much stuff here that can possibly keep me from working torwards what I want and what I feel I deserve. It will be hard but I know I can handle an eight hour move. I can do it!
     I am working on my last four weeks of high school. Damn, I didn't realize how fast and how qucikly it'd all end. I am happy to go. But these last few weeks have been extremely stressful and I just want to be done with it already.
   
     I am going to post in the near future about what's going on in my head. Things are getting all jumbled and I need to let it all out on paper my blog.

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