Update?

Good morning everyone!

     Sorry it has been a while since I have posted. I have been busy. Graduating early, starting college, constantly working, living the life. Haha.

     As I look back on it, I have decided that I am happy that I did graduate early. It feels much better to be in college. I feel comfortable. I actually feel like I am succeeding, for once. And that is a very incredible feeling! I feel as though I am in the right setting to do my best, and it makes me very proud of myself.
   
     Yes, it will feel weird going to my high school graduation after I have finished a semester at college; But in some ways I feel it is necessary to allow for some closure and to see some of (the very few) friends that I left when I graduated in January. And plus, graduation party money...cha ching!

     Either way, I am here at my community college. I don't really dislike it here, but I don't really feel completely comfortable here. Oh well, I just have to remember that it is a stepping stone to my dream school...Syracuse University! I will get there in a few years. Hopefully sooner...if I pick up some more summer classes.

     Regardless, this is my life as it stands now. Another update shall come soon!
   
Stay classy my friends.

"Loaded Gun", the song, the feelings.

Sometimes when I listen to this song, and sometimes Tyler Hilton, it really shocks me how much I have grown from the experience I had with my ex. He was a great guy, still is. And this is one of his favourite songs and one of the few songs that I can’t listen to without him immediately coming into my head. He was definitely an incredible experience. I believe in him and what I know that he can do to the world. I can’t say for certain where he is today or what he is doing but I know that he will do great things in his life. He just needs to remember that he isn’t the only one that he has to watch out for. And that he can be himself without worrying about what other people say about it.

It’s weird. I can’t exactly say that I will forget about it, or that I will even stop caring. But I know that him and I can’t be friends. We simply went through too much to be friends again. Which is a shame. He doesn’t run through my mind often, but when he does a field of emotions comes with him. And that’s the part I am still getting over.

If you’re reading this, you know that I am still here for you bud. For anything. 

Hollister Truths

Marriage

Every once in a while I think about marriage. Randomly it seems. I have very mixed feelings about the idea. Regardless of the fact that it is now legal in my state, I am still confuzzeled about my belief in marriage.

On one hand, I really want a wedding. I love them. The fun and excitement that come with them. Along with the reunions of people that occur. And the fact that you can invite pretty much anyone that has every meant anything to you. And they have to come regardless of how they feel about each other.

On the flip side, I am not really sure that I want to be a single entity, both legally and finanically, with someone else for the rest of my life. I am not completely confident that I can trust another person enough to make this commitment to them. I assume that the trust will build to the point where I will feel comforatble eventually. But still. It is not that I have commitment issues, it is also the idea that if I fall out of love with someone it will become a major legal issue and will effect the rest of my life.

It is just ALOT of commitment, and is obviosuly something that the should not be entered lightly.
Maybe someday, I will feel confident enough with another man to enter this commitment portal.

I don't even know right now.

I can honestly say that I don't think my brain has been this haywire. Well, about such random things.

I like this guy and we are becoming really really close. He's been rolling around my head, like he normally does.

But now I have my ex rolling around too. I am not even sure why. It' s not as though I still love him or that I am not over him. Trust me, I am over him. I just wish I could separate my memories from senior year (my first one, 2012) from my memories with him. It seems like I can't look back on all the great times that I had without him popping in. I just want them to be separate because sometimes I start to feel bad. And I don't like that. I don't necessarily miss him but I miss the fact that we were so extremely close and then it just ended flat and we haven't had a quasi decent conversation in months. Granted, I don't really know what I could classify as a "quasi decent conversation". But still, the point remains...

None of this is helping the fact that I am going insane because of early graduation and the start of college. It is all just so,so, so much to handle at once. I have know doubt that I can handle it, it's just how many times I will need to drink heavily during the transition period.

I guess that pretty much sums up the rapid thoughts in my head for right now.

I will check in later...hopefully it won't be too long from now.

Wow.

     Man, I didn't realize how long it had been since I last wrote. Then again, this wouldn't be the first time time this has happened. But still...

     A few things have changed:

      I am now about to start my first semester at college on January 22nd. It's weird to think about that. I mean, I don't know how long I will be in college, but I just knew that I wasn't going to bum around just because I didn't sign with the Navy for a job didn't want. It was a really tough decision but I did it.
      I am now also looking into moving down to Norfolk soon. I need to leave Syracuse. I need a change. I am not quite sure how other people will feel about it but I know that it is something I have to do eventually.There is just wayyy too much stuff here that can possibly keep me from working torwards what I want and what I feel I deserve. It will be hard but I know I can handle an eight hour move. I can do it!
     I am working on my last four weeks of high school. Damn, I didn't realize how fast and how qucikly it'd all end. I am happy to go. But these last few weeks have been extremely stressful and I just want to be done with it already.
   
     I am going to post in the near future about what's going on in my head. Things are getting all jumbled and I need to let it all out on paper my blog.

Latest Adventures in Creative Writing

First Writing

Just a wee bit of change...

Lately, between working multiple jobs,being a full-time student,and Navy stuff, my life has kinda become very hectic. The only time I really get to write is in my Creative Writing class. Therefore, because I really like to write and I like to keep this quasi updated, I will start scanning in some of the ones that I feel are my best.

Christopher

This one is to you...

I know it has been a while since I posted last but life has been weird. Part of my weirdness has been this guy that I ran into randomly,unexpectedly, at school. Anyways, we ended and I feel like I still need to tell him important things, so that is why I am writing this post.

To you bud:

I never meant to hurt you or cause you pain. I never meant to fuck up any relations you had with anyone. For those I am especially sorry. I don't believe you fully understand how much you meant,and still mean, to me. You were a very important part of my life. The happiness and hopefulness I felt when I was with you,even apart from you, was magical. It was something I had never felt before,ever. And I loved it. I loved every minute of everything that we had. I can't really describe how much I loved it,for words can't even start to reach the level that I felt. 

That is why it hurt me so much when you ended it. I can't even say that we did because I couldn't really do anything after except cry and sleep. Mostly cry though. It hurt me more than you could ever fix, more than I have ever been hurt before. Honestly, I knew that it was coming. Once you came back from orientation, you weren't the same, and I felt it. You seriously don't understand how much that week killed me. I am not one to normally let my negative emotions be seen to more than a few people, but this time everyone saw it. Much before it even clicked to me. And that is what sucked. Maybe the part that hurt me the most was that the entire time while we were sitting there by the lake, I was shelling out my heart, my thoughts; my emotions; my worries; even my deepest secrets that I never told anyone, not even my best friend; you said absolutely nothing. No hint of even the thought of ending it, yet I knew you had to have thought about it a while. I think that is what really killed me inside. The fact that you just stood there and watched me say it all,saying minimal  shit, hurt alot too. 

I know more about you than anyone. You might think I don't, but I do. I must have felt special to you had some point, I just don't know where, I mean hell, you went through alot just for me. And I will never forget that. You are very special to me, you will always be. You were honestly the first real guy that I ever loved. And that I ever felt safe with. And you know that. 
Here's somethings that you don't know about you, that I do know:

• You going away for college isn't going to change anything, honestly, it might make it worse.

• The man that you are today, even if it is different from who you were about 6 months ago, is...wonderful and extremely impressive.

• Honestly, I worry about you. Always. I hope you know that.

• You are far stronger than you will ever realize. You always have been. 

• There are lots of things that you can do that you never think you can, yet I know that you can.

• Although you may not be confident enough to do what you want to do, I know that you are actually very capable of handling anything that the world throws at, you already have been through alot.

• I know that you might not have been ready for a relationship right now, and that's okay dude. 

• Even if you are different, you are still super strong. 

• Oh, and you're clavicle is super sexy. 

• Also, I do know what you were telling people after we ended, yes I have ears everywhere. And although I should be extremely angry at you for that,like everyone thinks I should be. I can't. Because I know why you did what you did. Even though, I am not mad about it, it hurt me alot. 

I don't care what you do, I will always remember you as that guy that was perfect. I don't know if it'll come with time, but I still can't do alot of things because they remind me of us. Hell, I can't even listen to Yellowcard anymore, yet surprisingly your favourite artist has become one of mine, because he reminds me of the happiness I felt when I was with you; Yet, I can't listen your favourite song, so that still hurts. Just believe me when I say, that the effect that you have had on me is indescribable and life long. 

I will always love you and care about you. Always. 

I would say to call me or text me if you ever need anything,but honestly, I am still not sure what I would do if your name popped up on my phone. Also, I know that I still aren't ready to start doing all of my old things my old way because when I come home wasted, I always knock our picture over(yes it is still there, I haven't gotten up the balls to get rid of it yet; And that fact tells me that seeing it only makes me hurt, but that's life). 

Either way, here is my one last letter to you, one last letter of about a thousand. Ha. 

Maybe we'll talk later, I don't know. I just know that I had to tell you all of this.

Good luck.
Fair winds and following seas, my friend.

Very Few Songs Truly Hit Me, Here Are Some:

These songs, they hit me hard. All the time. Doesn't matter what's going on. As my recruiter once told me: "You're one of the special ones. You get hit from both sides. You have a brother that has been in the Navy for almost four years, that gives you more experience than most, you've seen the home front. It will help you when you leave." I guess you could call me lucky in that sense.

Update!

Yes, that is my night stand. Yes, I do use 24 hour time always. Yes, I keep a starter dog from a Navy plane. And yes, I do have the Navy Seal next to my bed.

Update on the past...*checks watch that isn't on my wrist*, er, we will just call it an update on the past. Haha.

So! I am back from Jamaica, obviously, it was a very interesting and fun vacation. A nice getaway from the stress from school,work, and the Navy. But, nevertheless, I am back to face it all.

Navy/School

Well, it has been decided that I will be graduating high school, as well as shipping out,earlier than expected. I am now going to graduate in January. And hopefully, get shipped to Basic in late February/ Early January. I feel this is the best move I can make given my current situation and the fact that I am eligible for early graduation. Therefore, I have been very busy, and expect to be busy throughout the remainder of this year, the summer, and of course, my last semester at Cicero-North Syracuse High School.

I am really happy that I made this decision. I feel as though it will allow me to really be all that I can be. A standard school setting just isn't for me. And I am perfectly fine with that.

Also, I am currently waiting on my mentor, a Chief Petty Officer currently in the Military Journalism Program at S.U., to call me. He is reviewing my A.S.V.A.B. scores again, just to see what nudging he can do to help me get into the MC program. I am also very anxious about the possibility of being pushed into the program. I have been frequenting the program's headquarters at S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications lately. Almost weekly. Hopefully, all of this networking will help me in the long run, and well, if it doesn't, I still have some pretty great friends in the Navy with me.

Side Note: One of the reasons I chose the Navy was because of their very welcoming attitude. I have never met any Sailor,Recruiter, or Officer that hasn't been interested in me as a Sailor and my future(both during my service and after), down to Earth, and personable. I am not just a contract number to my superiors, I am a person. And that is one of the reasons I went Navy.

Work

Also, I am no longer working Trappers. I quit last weekend. Mostly because the Ice Cream Stand opens this weekend, and I want to be able to devote all of my time to my primary,and favoured, place of employment. Just a heads up.

Adios!

Well, I guess that is all for now. Thanks for reading. I will write again when something comes up...or if I need to spill my emotions. Haha,

Here is a song that has been toying with my head lately. Gosh darn, it makes me cry almost every time I hear it.

Seamen Recruit Christopher Drummond

     Has a nice ring to it don't it? Well I have taken my ASVAB, decided my rating, have set a DEP contract signing date, and have decided that I am ready to serve in the United States Navy.
   
     With my ASVAB score, as of now, I am set to become an Interior Communications Electrician. I will be dealing with phone lines and networks, and the such. I am currently 7 points away from qualifying for MC(Mass Communications), therefore, MC is a backup and will only become my rating if my recruiter's sponsorship is approved by the DoD. So currently, IC is the way I will go in. I will sign my Delayed Entry Program contract, which is essentially a letter of intent...except if I break it, I can go to jail, in July of this year. And I will ship out to boot camp around late July/early August of next year(I will get an approx. ship date when I sign).
   
      I am extremely excited about joining and shipping off, but mostly, serving my nation and her people. I am honoured to qualify for all of the ratings I qualify for and to join.

I shall post more later with more information. Only 100ish days until I sign my DEP contract. :D

Hello!

Summer is among us here in Syracuse. We kinda skipped winter, went straight from Fall to Spring, and now, to Summer. That is very nice to me, even though I am not really a heat kinda dude. I am working on that. I must mention that I am going to Jamaica for a week with the fam in 17 days! That will be an adventure for sure!

Regardless of the weather, I am still focused on my future with the Navy. I spoke with a recruiter last Friday and he signed me up for the A.S.V.A.B ( Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery ) on Wednesday, tomorrow. I am extremely excited, yet nervous, for the test. It determines what I do with my life; What jobs are avaliable, my contract length, a whole slew of things. And! If I decide I wanna take it again, they don't take my highest score...they take the most recentttt score. So yeah, I am super pumped for tomorrow.

Other than that, nothing major has/is occuring lately. I'm switching jobs, but that is just because the ice cream stand is opening back up again. But lately my life has been boring...ish. Haha. I will be sure to post about my scores on the ASVAB and what I choose to be my career with the United States Navy. I'm starting to get used to saying that. Hehe. Score.

Here's a nice Navy picture for you guys too!

Wow!

A lot has happened recently. Sorry about not posting lately...once again, a lot has happened.

I have lost some people, gained some, made some decisions, forgotten some stuff. Become overly happy with my life. Yeah, alot.

So, first I will start with my biggest, and most thought out, decision. In approximately seven months...and seventeen days, I will sign with the United States Navy for a five year contract. I have decided that this is the best route for me for numerous reasons. I figured out that in order to become a PR specialist and a war journalist, my best route is to join a military branch. Me being me, chose the Navy. I am greatly excited and very,very nervous. But feel that I am completely ready for anything the Navy may throw at me. I am ready to go to basic training at Great Lakes for 2 months, and then to proceed to a 6 month training in Fort Meade, Maryland. I am ready. For anything. I will become a Mass Communications Specialist. Doing photo journalism, video journalism, graphic design/editing, as well as website design...I will learn all of this in Maryland. I can honestly say that the worst part about basic will be cutting off my Red Bull; That's why my best friend, Nate, will bring me a 24 pack of the good stuff at my graduation. I feel as though I am destined to do some duty to my country, and I feel that joining the Navy, even if it is just for one contract, will suffice my internal need to represent and defend this great nation.

I broke up with my boyfriend. That was tough, but needed. That was a whole thing with interpersonal issues. Regardless, that affected me a bit. But I mostly needed that. I work best as my own person when it comes to personal life.

Ever since I made my decision to sign with the Navy, I have been very happy. Extremely happy. I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and that I don't have as much worries anymore. I only have to worry about my ASVAB scores now. I have to achieve a 110 in two selected areas. On my first practice test, I got a 180. On my second test, I received a 190. Oddly enough, you need a 190 in order to do my brother's job. Exciting,no?

Speaking of my brother... Him and I are basically stopping our relationship and friendship. Given the fact that he is the only person to not offer some sort of advice with this vital decision, I also have attempted to speak with him about random stuff, but I haven't talked with him since Christmas. Therefore, I am done with him. We may be brothers, but we don't have to be friends. Although this was a tough decision, it had to be done.

I guess not alot of stuff has happened lately, or maybe it just feels it to me. I guess. I don't know. Once again, I love see y'all's ideas and comments towards my life, so please do leave something...even if it is a "Military sucks"; Yes, I have already received negative comments towards my decision...too damn bad to them. I love my country, I don't care what other people think.

Christopher

Navy...Journalism?

Hello again! I come to you with great news. I have become very interested in joining the United States Navy as a journalist/news reporter. I feel that this will be a very fun,challenging, lifelong, and interesting career choice as i feel it fits me very well and I will always have a job. Especially a job that I like.

I am lucky enough to have landed into a shadow program at the most elite non- Department of Defense school for mass media in the country. That school would be my very own Syracuse University. I spoke with the director of the university's public communications school, S.I. Newhouse School, and she has informed me that there are approximately 32 active service members in the program at SU. This includes all of the military branches and the United States Coast Guard.

I am fortunate enough to be grouped up with 3-4 sailors who have gone through all of the stages of the naval journalism schools, and they should be able to answer all of my gazillion questions that I have. I feel extremely honoured to be allowed to shadow these sailors, as they are the best of the best in the United States Navy. Oh crap, I just realized I typed the British version of thatword...that happens often.

This all will occur over February Break, which is the the third week in the month. I, my guidance counselor, and my global history teacher are all extremely excited for this. I am feel that I finally feel like I have a very legitimate, important, and fitting place in the future. Hopefully I will see that this is me...hopefully I will be very encouraged to join the Navy. Much like my brother.

Although I regret that my mother would have to have two children in the military, and I regret that Reese(next post is on him) will have to face this head on, I am ready for it. And I wouldn't choose any other branch of the United States Armed Forces.

I will be sure to touch base with you guys both before and after the shadow. Keep it classy.

Christopher

Maroon 5

I am not going to lie, my guilty pleasure is Maroon 5...mostly Adam Levine. He is just an overly great entertainer! His voice is oddly soothing to me. Calming even. It just seems to put at rest. And I love it. Over the years, the bad hasn't gotten at all worse...they have gotten better! And that could be why I love them so much. Tell me how this is not soothing!?!

I mean, for realsss! I could rock out to them forever and a day.

That was my small post on Maroon 5. :D

Oh Mom.

Today I have the NYS English Regents, my final for English 11. Obviously it is super duper important. And what does my mother decide to do three hours before the exam? Yell at me about how I am not good enough and how I am not going anywhere in life. I reallllly can't believe that she would even do this. This would be the fourth time since ninth grade. Clearly, if I remember how many times she has called me "not good enough", shows how much these effect me. And it's not even like it helps me do better in school, all it does is piss me off and make me not wanna do anything at all.

It is this sorta crap that she does, that drives me absolutely insane. I truly wonder if she actually knows what it is doing to me. It happens all the time. I can't stand it. She makes me want to hit things.She doesn't understand the fact that it is actually hurting our relationship. Oh wait, you have to have a relationship, in order to ruin it. But that's another post for another day. Sometimes I just feel like I need to get away, get out of this place. SU isn't far enough. Btw, I have a shadow at SU...I will talk about that later too.

I need a dude's vacation. Nate, Ricky, and I. Just the three dudes, that's all that I want for one weekend. No girl/boyfriends, no phones, just us and a car. And a big city. Maybe Boston, maybe Buffalo, something fun and out of the ordinary.

Ugh, I gotta do this test. Let's do this!

A shweet way to end Christmas...or not.

Sorry I haven't updated recently. Life has gotten busy. School stuff, a boyfriend, and a car accident. On Christmas Day night, I was leaving my grandmother's house in a rural town called Jordan. In New York obviously. A tough road in the day time if you have never driven it. I was driving at night, and icy. I saw an animal severed, almost went head on into a guard rail in

Jordan, you can't always be sure what is beyond the guard rail, and turned the car enough to align me for a head on collision with a hillside. I did indeed go head on into the hill, and ricochet back out.

After I got a hold of my father, we pulled the car to the side of the road and called up AAA. I don't care how much of a man you think you are, you will break down when you see your mother after your first major accident. As I waited for AAA with my father, my mother arrived from my house, about 40 minutes away, she got there in twenty. As my mother pulled up and rolled down her window, I broke down when I saw her eyes. I could just see how scared she was. It was the worst feeling in the world to see my mother like that. It was...bad.

After I got back to my grandmother's house, and I was calming down, my broth

er, Drew, called. Asking me how I was and such. And that was when it hit me, the only person that would be able to truly calm me down was half around the world. Rob later called me about three days later and told me "Dude, you fucked up your first car!" Hearing that was probably the most comforting thing I had heard all week. Just because I knew that he was really caring.

Post accident

Although this was all a really bad incident, I did get a new car. A new Subaru Outback. After the accident, I will never buy a non- Subaru car. Never. The AAA guy said the only reason that I was okay was because of how Subaru makes their cars...extremely safe and solid. Herego, only Subaru for me.

Here's my new car (:

I miss you.

I would like to dedicate this post to my brother, Rob. Rob is in Korea serving the great United States Navy. I will never forget all of the whacked up things him and I have done and will do in the future. I always know that he loves me,even if he won't admit it, and that he would do anything for me.

I never realized how much I miss him until my accident on Christmas Day, to be written about soon, and I wanted to call him so badly but I couldn't. I knew that he would be able to calm me down, even if it involved some screaming. Oh well, at that point, after the accident, I realized that I miss my brother. A lot. He's my only true brother, the only guy that I can go to with anything and expect a straight, sometimes unwanted, true response. I really want to be able to see him, but the Navy has a thing against that when they are in Korea, so that won't happen soon.

My brother is one of the greatest people that I know. He's dependable, trustworthy, able to shoot you dead-on your nose, yet caring. All I know is that if I had to name one person that I would be able to talk to for the rest of my life, it would be him. Even though he may not always say it, I know he misses and loves me, I think he knows it too. It feels odd, I am going to be his best man in his wedding next year; I kinda don't want to have to see him become a married man, I feel like he will be so grown up, I mean he is four years older, but still.

Anywho, this was my post to my brother. The one best friend that will never,ever leave me. I don't know if he reads this blog, but if he happens to read this, well he knows how much I miss him.