Well, I'm glad someone told me.

Today I was informed that the swim season will start the 21st now. Apparently this decision was made about two weeks ago. I am a little bit furious at this, not only because no one told me, but because it truly shows the lack of information exchange and unity of the team. It is compeltely outragoues.

Either way, the new start date is Novemebr 21st. Which therefore extends my announcment date to November 28th.

I am also working on the questions for Inside Out: Being Gay in a Straight Locker Room. I have decided to do indivual posts for my interviews with gays,straights, and coaches. If you have any suggestions for questions, please do not hesitate to email me with them. Any help is greatly appreciated.

I thank all of you again for reading this short and sweet post, and for reading my blog.

Post again soon!

CD

Work it!

Although I failed to show at the team weight room yesterday, I had training day at a new job, I would like all of you to know that I have been working out. Mostly cardio. I'm not really a fan of pumping the iron.

Michael Phelps got his extraordinary body with out doing ever pumping the iron. (Tease,eh?)

Therefore, I don't see the extreme need to work out in the gym all the time. Really when you think about it, swimming primarily uses your upper body and, well, your lungs. I have a nice upper body, nothing to extreme. I am also not a fan of outrageous six packs. But still, I do some nice 3 mile runs (sometimes 6 or 9, depending on my mood) pretty much every other day. I love running, it is just how I am built. But I hate track/cross-country...it's a cult at my school. I do some running and I do a whole bunch of push ups. Like 100 a night.

Yes, I do love running so much that I have these. PS, they are soo comfortable!

Obviously besides running, and the occasional off-season/club swimming I have to participate in gym. Which is always nice because in the fall we do football, that would be alright if I understood it... So that's an adventure. I also usually do some manhunt (the game of "tag" at night, name is interesting though, right?) With all of that I tend to keep in good shape. And I tend to keep a perfect BMI of 21 (I am rather proud of that!).

I think that this pretty much takes care of all of the work out related info that I wanted to discuss tonight. I believe I will push out another post, but I can't guarantee anything. :D

Here's a video that always gets me in the mood to work out:

Like I am in the cool down lane.

I woke up this morning with that evil feeling. If you're a swimmer, you know the feeling. The feeling where you feel like your whole chest is going to collapse on to you. To me, I'm used to it. It's a thing that you gain when you first start swimming major meets.

But today was different,today I felt it because I have been thinking extremely intensely about swim. I have exactly twenty days until the first practice of swim season. Tomorrow, and Friday, we are doing team workouts in the weight room. I think that tomorrow will show me who legitimately doesn't care that I'm gay. If that's the entire team, well I'm lucky, if it's only three people...I'm going to have to take some time.

One of my closest friends, we will call him "Steve", thinks I should basically formally announce my sexuality to the team on the swim bus after the first Friday practice. He believes it will "clear the air". Now I'm stuck with that situation. He's a trusted friend, known him forever, so I may listen to him. But I also don't want my sexuality to be a big thing on my team. Although it is sorta my dream to be completely open to my team...to the point where we can all joke about it. And just be loose about me being gay.

Yes, I'm going to start using nicknames for all my teammates. My PR "agent" says it would be a good idea. Therefore, I'm going to do it. The only ones I will use the actually names for are my fellow bloggers. Here is a little intro on my blogmates:

Sam- Sam Is Blue Sam is also a gay swimmer. Sam is a great writer and always puts out his best effort in and out of the pool. He is an tremendously awesome person!

Andrew- Android8000 Andrew also a gay swimmer. I haven't been talking to Andrew for that long, so I can't really say much on him. He is a blog to check out though!

And of course, Ben, Robert, and Brad.

Well I think I will kill the blogging now, I will discuss what happens tomorrow soon!

Just keep swimming!

My Best Choice

     Yup, I'm back in that stage again. The one where I am completely unsure if I am going to swim. Here's a little thing I've been working on.

I wish I could tell you I'm ready for this. I'm just not. I feel like all eyes are on me. So many people wanting me to do this, yet I must decide for myself what is best. And that, that my friends, is where I have the most trouble.
With every simple mistake I make, every hit that I take, I am forced to re consider my decision to swim.
If,and only if, I can overcome my fears, my goals and my dreams will shine...or swim.
What if,what if, everything goes wrong? My life will crumble,again, in front of my eyes. This I would not be able to handle.
They all say that I can do this, and that I will be okay. But I don't believe them. They don't know for sure. They don't know what I feel like. What I worry about,they just don't. They can never have the same feelings as I.
I don't know who can tell me and reassure me enough so that I will do it. I honestly don't.
Heffron has, Sean has, Sam has, Aaron has, Marisa has, Ricky has. Hell, even Nate has. And it still does nothing for me. Nothing at all.
This rocky road that I have to live on may not be the best with it's potholes,weaves, low shoulders, unpainted lines, but it is the road I must learn to drive on. Without accident. This is where I wonder how good my driving skills are. This road must be driven carefully and skillfully.
I hope I can tell you I'm ready for this.

Team discussions that don't include me.

Okay, so, in my conversation with Ricky last night about my relationship with the team, he informed that he has had thoughts about me being gay for awhile. Like, since I got on varsity. Even better, he wasn't the only one. I guess last season, and the year before that, guys have been talking about me being gay. Apparently, I "looked around" in the locker room. I personally find that hard to believe because I wouldn't do that. That's not how I roll.

Ricky also let me in to tell me all the people that talked about it: him, Tim, Tyler, Tyler F, Kyle, Paul, Billy, Tom, and Ben. So that's cool. Coincidentally, three out of these eight people told me not to worry about anything for this upcoming season. Which makes mes suspicious of everybody else.
When Ricky first told me I was...stunned. I literally froze. It was like I couldn't comprehend anything that just happened. I thought these people were my friends. Okay, not even all of them. But most of them. Like Tyler F- He was the first person to reestablish communications with me after the incident, and he was always the one to invite me to all the swim gatherings, Billy- Second person to talk to me about the incident, and he told me not to worry about this year. So, it makes me wonder who actually has my back. And Ricky, the one person that I know, or thought I knew, will always help me.

How I felt

I felt,hell I still feel, deceived, stupid, ignorant, and just overall...bad. I have been wondering all nigh why Ricky never told me this. I do not know why he didn't. Maybe it was to help me, maybe it was to protect me, I don't know. This is what kills me inside. Now I have to wonder if Ricky is truly one of my best friends. It feels ironic since I just wrote an entire post about how much I appreciate him and Nate.
Now I am still forced to decide to swim or not. I figure I have twenty days to decide if I am going. Granted, my buddy Sam is swimming, and we want to go through this together. So that will help in my decision.

This whole thing has just gone to show me, always have team discussions as a team.

First Post

     Okay, here we are. Let me explain all of this to you. In the past year, I have been outed by one of my team mates, gone through depression with extremely bad grades(I am pretty much a nerd so a 40 isn't good), been excluded by most of my team, told numerous adults about me being gay so they can try to help, forced to go to a shrink because according to my mother "I have no idea what I am talking about, this is all just a plot to get attention, and I'm too young to know that I'm gay" (just wow), cut off from the majority of my family, and now I have to try to work my way back on to a team that I used to practically live with.
     That sums up that. So I created this because I was always a sad person when I realized I was gay. I felt like there was no one out there like me. But guess what? People just like me, and you are out there. You just have to look. And I don't want any other person to feel that way. That being said, go ahead, talk to me. I can and will help you, if you want it.
     I also created this because starting the Seventh of November, I will be the first openly gay swimmer that my school has ever had. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. But I'll find out this year. I feel as though this will be quite the experience, and I want everyone to read it and think about how it affects them. Also, I have become friends with another gay swimmer, going through the same stuff as me. He too has a blog, the link is at top.

     I should probably get back to whatever class I'm in. I will post again later tonight.